MARGIENARY

Since my dad died in June, I inherited from him a group of women that he used to teach every month.  I promised my dad that I will be faithful in teaching them just as he was. But last month, my health situation has kept me from going up the mountains and keeping that promise and so I asked my brother to step in for me, and he did, just like all the times in the past when I asked him to do something for me.  Thank God for Big Brothers. These groups of women from six different villages learned that the reason why I could not go up the village to teach them was because I am preggers, so they decided that for this month, they'll come down to where I'm at and hold the meeting there.  I received a message from my sister telling me that a maximum of 20 women will be coming and that I should prepare lunch for all of them.  So I did.  Well, not me, as I can't stand the smell of anything that's coming from the stove even a pot of rice that is boiling.  I asked a cousin of mi

I am having the morning sickness bad but I can have it all bad as long as I'll be granted an uneventful pregnancy and a full-term normal baby.  The whole day sickness is wreaking havoc on my concentration and ability to think.  But I am meaning to finish two books before Christmas, so we'll see. The insulin injections are doing their tricks.  My highest blood sugar measurement so far was 104mg/dl compared to the 200++ that I used to get while on the other medication. So it seems like I went all the way to nursing college and learn how to inject 'painlessly' so that in the future, I could stick needles into my own body three times a day. :-) 

Yup, I got two purple lines in the thing called home pregnancy test kit. But it seems to the doc that it is something that needs to be "dealt with" in the next few days.  I'm waiting for the doctor to call and the husband to come home.  I don't know what to feel.  Usually, for someone like me who only have 1 tube left, and an ovary that is so cystic it looks like a rotten cauliflower in the ultrasound, and been trying for the last couple of years, a double line should send me straight to heaven.  But then a double line should not be painful either.  Mine is, so I am not happy.  I am actually indifferent.  I'd say angry, but I shall need another stative verb for tomorrow. "Lord, please sing to me "The Power of your Love, and Sustaining Grace."  I would but I don't have a voice right now, just a heart that is scared and beaten down to a pulp. Nov. 19, 2010 Went to see the doc again today.  She has not yet ruled out tubal pregnancy unt

I went on a binging spree researching about my health conditions that I tried to ignore this last few months,  thinking fatalistically, and telling my myself that if I die, I die, and so it doesn't make a difference if I manage my PCOS and my Diabetes or not.  Yes, I rebelled from the restrictive diet that I had to follow, and I went back to my old habits of eating sugars, not paying attention to what I eat and weigh, and not exercising. But the last few weeks, I have been in one of my neurotic moods where I was very sad, manic-depressive, and just don't have the energy nor joy to face a in-another-state-of-mind beautiful day.  Then I noticed that I have missed my period and I have been feeling a general throbbing pain in my lower tummy.  Sometimes, it is throbbing, but sometimes it is sharp and it feels like a shock wave flashing across my abdomen.  It scared me to death, thinking that this might be another tubal pregnancy.  I began to voraciously research and r

One weekend, I went home to the village and as usual, I was met by my nephews and nieces expecting a pasalubong.  For a change, I did not bring lollipops, rather, I brought them lots of balloons, which they love so much.  Two weekends later, I went home again and my thirteen month old nephew said, "Tita, hanahanana, bibidong."  And I said, "Sorry, andi bibidong (balloons) nihaya. Kindin aboh." But he kept saying, "Tita, bibidong, hanananana."  He repeated it for maybe 5 times until his mom came in from selling the baskets of guavas that she and Yzlel harvested that morning, and explained to me what Yzlel meant.  He wasn't asking for a balloon pasalubong after all.  He only wanted me to sing the song he and his dad translated that goes: Waday bibidong ko Timayab lad kabonyan Agak la ang-angen Pimatok na-mo la Sayang lay pilak ko Nallakwan kon gayyabah No makan koma la Naphelak et koma. My nephew sang with me, being a one year old little guy, he was

Life's been lazy and depressing this last few days.  I worked from my bed and got up only for physio-biological needs. But today, I decided to make the effort to be happy and productive with the participation of my feet and my hands, and not only my fingers and my brain like I did last week.  I don't know what happened.  For some reason, I was too unhappy to get up.  Some neighbors came to talk to me one evening, but I pretended to be asleep. (Yikes, that's sick, I know! :-) Today the Lord encouraged me with the devotional passage that I read this morning that says: "God knows how hard you've tried How tired you get, How empty your soul can feel, ...even when your days and nights are crowded with all you do in the name of the Lord. God knows the longings of your spirit, the unfulfilled places of your heart." Thank you, my Lord Jesus, for knowing me more than I know myself.

I was sorry that I wasn't able to go to the Ayangan's Bible Dedication in Ifugao today.  I would have really gone except that I don't want my women's group to think that I stood them up.  So I had fun teaching the Women of Mapayao, Oliweg, Acacia, and Salicpan.  Bong drove me up to Mapayao and came back right down so that he and my sis Daphne could go to the Bible dedication.  I also did some vision testing today with some of the women.  I think all of them will have to have reading glasses.  This i-see program is really great!  I'm sure when people from other villages hear of it, they'll clamor for the service too. TY to the As for buying, and bringing the equipment and supplies.  Now, all I need to do is to find someone and train him/her to do it.

Processes and systems are good but I so hate them when they don't work, and more when they keep changing. I guessed change is inevitable but the change should also undergo the right process, like my pancreas is supposed to produce insulin so the carbs I eat can be used up as energy, and not accumulate in my blood as sugar. But since my pancreas doesn't follow the process, a medical doctor told me what changes I need to do.  It would be stupid of me to listen to a Math teacher who tells me to count from 1-33 every morning to remedy my diabetes.  It is the same with other processes.  It is so not good to change a process that was working so well for everybody, especially that the change is coming from someone who has no authority to implement a change. I sooo hate that!  Why do some people like breaking things just for the fun of having something to fix? Hayyy, kahirap talagang mamalimos, oo! :) (Napansin ko lang, puro reklamo ang ginagawa ko sa blogs ko ngayon.  Hmmm, maybe

I was just watching Sunshine Cleaning like 5 minutes ago and Rose, the character that Amy Adams played, copes with her impossible situations by psyching herself up--telling herself that she can do anything, or something along the lines of being powerful.  I never tried that.  Does it really work getting all psyched up?  If those movies about coaches looking their players in the eye and telling them that they can do it, and the players do end up winning the game, have any resemblance to the truth, then maybe it does work.  But as I've said, I've never tried it, so I don't know anything. So when I titled this blog entry PSYCHED UP, I was thinking about something else.  Actually, I was thinking about the exact opposite thing. I was thinking about how neurotic can one get before s/he crosses the line into becoming a psychotic. I was thinking about my mental patient back in nursing college who from day 1 called me Geraldine, and he told me that that was the name of her da

I crashed.  No, I don't mean it like the way a computer would crash. If I meant that, then I won't be here writing about it, right? I went to bed after work last Friday and spent most of the night tiring my eyes out to be able to sleep.  I slept at around five in the morning, and woke up two hours later when the sun came shining through my curtains in full glaring glory, feeling as if I am hang-over.  The new medicine I am on has funny side effects.  You feel like you're having the worst morning sickness of your life, made even much worst by diarrhea and a hairsplitting headache.  But it does keep my blood sugar within normal and at least for the last two days, I have been free from the pain caused by my ovarian cysts.  So I guessed, there is no way to get the best of both worlds. I have to suffer the headache, the nausea, the dizziness, and the diarrhea, so I won't feel the cystic pain or so I won't die due to high blood sugar complications.  Sometimes, I wish I

The culture that I have learned from birth frown on repetitiveness.  If you repeat yourself a lot, people say, "Nalopti ka ngo!" That statement that is usually exclaimed with the appropriate irritated tone literally means "How inside-out you are!"  Doesn't make any sense in the literal English.  Usually, there are two interpretations about a person that is 'nalopti' or 'nalotik' in other Kalanguya dialects (but I think that is a loan word from our sister language Ibaloi). The first interpretation is that the person who keeps repeating himself is deaf, and that is okay. That is not so critical.  But when one keeps asking a questions when the answer was already clearly stated the first time, it means that he does not trust the answer to be right, and so he keeps asking the same question over and over. I for one don't like too much repetition; you could blame it on my Igorotness (Kalanguyaness in particular), and maybe a little bit of my per

Watching a movie is supposed to relax you.  So when I got a terrible headache late this afternoon, I stopped working and checked out my movie folders. I saw one actromcom movie but the headache's still there, so I saw another which was a drama, and the headache got worst, so I opted to see a fantasy/adventure which was Narnia-like (well, only cuz it has chronicles in the title) and the grilling in my head did not go away.  I therefore conclude that I must have watched the wrong movies.. . hahayyy!  I should have tried a horror flick instead. With all these movie marathon I've been doing, I've also been suffering from the-last-song syndrome for a couple of nights now.  Couldn't stop myself from humming or singing the songs that are played while the credits are rolling.  Like the second movie I saw tonight, one line of it says,  "Funny, ... falling feels like flying........... for a li'l while."  I think the lyricist was so clever, coming up with that.  In a

Tennyson said in his poem In Memoriam:27 , 1850: I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.   Then in September 2010, someone unwittingly translated it to this: Maganda yung naangkin ko minsan ang puso at pagmamahal mo. Sa panahong ikaw ang mundo ko, pinakamasaya yon sa buong buhay ko Pero dahil di tayo ang itinakda, kailangang may mawala. (According to one who has loved and lost, but has the guts to thank the past love for the good memories. Nakuha pa ring magpasalamat sa magandang alaala ng isang kahapong pag-ibig na ang pagkawala ay siyang naging dahilan ng kakulangan sa kaniyang kakayahan na ibigay ang buong pag-irog sa kasalukuyang pag-ibig.)

From this point on, I will only be blogging about the beauty, goodness, kindness, prejudices, characteristics, experiences, and personality of an Igorota.  That was my first purpose for creating this blog anyway.  In a sense, I'm just going back to my roots.  Let's see what I will be able to come up with. mY Synapses...

I just arrived back home 18 hours after I left Baguio yesterday evening.  Boy, wasn't that the longest, and most boring ride of my life! T mY Synapses...

no koma ngon mata-ak, anggan mangkikimittak hiyay andi nak ang-angen ni lawlawak no bilang ay onlamya-ak, aliwan ontettekellak hiyay ag noman la ma-ma-gah i lowak. no koma ngon bongottak, anggan on-iikmimmak hiyay andi habidong ni nak paokat no bilang ay on-ehellak, aliwan mallellelgemmak hiyay ag ali manta-oli hapit kon hi-gak. no koma ngon tangila-ak, anggan hintottollengennak hiyay anggan od ngon mandangdangpahhak no bilang ay ondengellak, aliwan mandi-di-nengngak neg ieh-el ko hota pampephedan ni inamtak. no koma ngon hali-ak, anggan manhalhalikommeddak manhegheged, mantongtonggok, tan mallo-lo-dayyak nem no bilang ay mandallanak, onnoden ko lay gapak gapak ni kinaamta, diman mangki-kiyangngak. hiya et koma ngo no pohoak, anggan itatagan kon onhemek liwanen koy himogal, papepetekan ko et ngoy oblak aliwan ingkaapal, ono itak koma i an madamag panggep hi-gak hemek koma et toto-wa, pangkahakey tokita. ...to be continued.... (spelling proposed by linguists from the University of the P

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee!"  You said, So I'm crying out now Lord, in the midst of this chaos Help me, please, save me from myself Call me by my name, let my eyes behold you again. Save me from the burning of my heart Pour out and scrape the acid in my tongue Fill my soul with your peace that is beyond compare And I shall keep my quiet and listen to your instruction. Give me the grace to humble myself Grant me a heart that trusts in your care Help me to be honest in facing myself Supply me with patience and peace. Teach me love that I may not judge Show me faith that I may believe Hold my mind that I may not wander Keep my heart so I can love you back.

Bangkok from Above If you will allow me to speak a little bit exaggerated, I would say that there is a coup d' etat brewing around me. I was barely a few hours back and I was bombarded with issues and negativism that threatened to dislodge my footing. People came carrying their own versions of stories and I had no way of knowing what is really going on. I could not help asking why people can't just live and let live.  Why does someone has to be stronger than the other?  Why do you have to be more connected than the next person?  It boggles the mind why people don't just love one another and think the best of their friends, neighbors, co-workers, and fellow human beings.  I had my circle so small hoping to taste a semblance of peace in my little world but no matter how small I make my world, "world peace" is still just a dream. How do you not believe a family?  How do you not see a friend? (I meant "see" in the Avatar sense of the word.) What do you

I'm back and I'm busy! I thought things were crazy with the course load I had in Thailand but I couldn't be more wrong!  Things 'been crazier still when I got home.  I have been to six energy-zapping meetings in the last eight days that I've been back.  Five of the meetings left me overwrought, because it concerns my future and the future of other people and the other two tired me physically and mentally because I had to teach and be on Bong's bike morning and afternoon in bumpy muddy trails. But the Lord again in His humorous (in the way I see it) wisdom made sure that I can go to all those meets with the right heart and mind.  Because... Last Sunday, my friend, and my hubby and I went to CCF at St. Francis Square for the Sunday Worship.  The minister talked about Jonah 4, and he said that we have to be careful that our obedience to God or to our calling is not out of duty but should be out of our love for God. I am thankful to God for always coming in thro

I arrived home to an empty house at midnight last night.  Poor me! Hehehe Yesterday, we dressed up (in my thinking anyway) for the agreement signing between our organization and another one in the business district of Makati.  So I went to Makati twice in a row for two days: the first time I went to meet my future boss when I teach a linguistics course next year, and then the second time for the MOA signing. I was nervous the first few minutes to be face to face with BIG people but I told myself, what the heck, I might be the poorest there but pagdating sa langit, parepareho lang kami! Hehe!  Well, one of them has a bullet proof car and a body guard, so you can imagine the environment.  But what's amazing is that those rich people are really nice. :) After the signing, our group tried to make it to the 3PM bus headed north, but to our dismay, the bus left without us, and my husband who made the ticket reservations was calling me nonstop and sounding irritated too.  LOL... The r

I arrived home to an empty house at midnight last night.  Poor me! Hehehe Yesterday, we dressed up (in my thinking anyway) for the agreement signing between our organization and another one in the business district of Makati.  So I went to Makati twice in a row for two days: the first time I went to meet my future boss when I teach a linguistics course next year, and then the second time for the MOA signing. I was nervous the first few minutes to be face to face with BIG people but I told myself, what the heck, I might be the poorest there but pagdating sa langit, parepareho lang kami! Hehe!  Well, one of them has a bullet proof car and a body guard, so you can imagine the environment.  But what's amazing is that those rich people are really nice. :) After the signing, our group tried to make it to the 3PM bus headed north, but to our dismay, the bus left without us, and my husband who made the ticket reservations was calling me nonstop and sounding irritated too.  LOL... The rea

You read me like a paper You hear me loud and clear You hold me so near You treat me nice and fair You loved me so dear At least, you used to, then you disappear. It used to be that: In my dismay, you were my encourager In my weakness, you were my strength-giver In my darkness, you were a beacon of light In the storms I've faced, you were a sure anchor In my life, you were one of my greatest fines. Why then did you become my Waterloo? Cuz my heart bleeds every time I remember you I wish I have never known one such as you One who has turned my days so bleak and blue. My heart had loved you with all it has I have esteemed you so high in my eyes My lips have prayed, you the Lord would bless You were a content of my proud stories So never have I thought we would end up like this. My mind goes back to the time When your love and esteem were mine Many moons ago my life was on the line But you were constant, you'd never left me behind So I wish the sun would usher in a dawn

You read me like a paper You hear me loud and clear You hold me so near You treat me nice and fair You loved me so dear At least, you used to, then you disappear. It used to be that: In my dismay, you were my encourager In my weakness, you were my strength-giver In my darkness, you were a beacon of light In the storms I've faced, you were a sure anchor In my life, you were one of my greatest fines. Why then did you become my Waterloo? Cuz my heart bleeds every time I remember you I wish I have never known one such as you One who has turned my days so bleak and blue. My heart had loved you with all it has I have esteemed you so high in my eyes My lips have prayed, you the Lord would bless You were a content of my proud stories So never have I thought we would end up like this. My mind goes back to the time When your love and high opinion were mine Many moons ago my life was on the line But you were constant, you never left me behind So I wish the sun wou

Many days have passed me by Yet here I am unable to say goodbye My mind keeps going back to the time When life was neat and fine The joy that's used to be mine Is in that place where it was left behind. I've always been the strong one Able to weather most storms, Never really been blown away Able to cut down her losses and move on But now it feels like that might be because I have never really won. So I ask my eyes why it cannot behold happiness I ask my ears why it does not hear laughter Why my feet never arrive at the place where joy is plenty And my hands cannot take a hold of love All I have are days and years that had left me empty. So please give me this one more chance Carry me in your arms Show me a hopeful day Tell me I have not lost my way Give me this one more chance And please hold me by your side Til I am able to fly again With You. (Just an exaggerated ramblings of one homesick soul.)

(just another nocturnal ramblings of a pathological insomniac) Many days have passed me by Yet here I am unable to say goodbye My mind keeps going back to the time When life was neat and fine The joy that's used to be mine Is in that place where it was left behind. I've always been the strong one Able to weather storms, Never really been blown away Able to cut down her losses and move on But now it feels like that might be because I have never really won. So I ask my eyes why it cannot behold happiness I ask my ears why it does not hear laughter Why my feet never arrive to the place where joy is plenty And my hands cannot take a hold of love All I have are days and years that had left me empty. So please give me this one more chance Carry me in your arms Show me a hopeful day Tell me I have not lost my way Give me this one more chance And please hold me in your hands Til I am able to fly again With You.

Without intending or meaning to be blasphemous, let me say that I have had the misfortune of being blessed with introverted sensitivity.  Now, what do I mean by that? I have been told not once that I am a cold, stolid, passive, and tough to crack nut.  And cold people are supposedly not easily hurt. But people forget that there are no cold people unless they're dead.  If there are, their circumstances were sure to have something to do with it, and still, they are not cold, they're just good at masking their true feelings.  I am a sensitive person contrary to the "ironhearted' front people see. I cry over things as simple as a corny scene in a movie, and I hurt like hell when people misjudge me or treat me unfairly.  Who doesn't, right? I have tried to be tough and strong and slightly uncaring, but you can only be tough and strong and uncaring for so long.  I have tried to be a good person, and I am trying to be, but still people misjudge you, and hurt you.  And

Lunch today was sooo HOT! Hot in the palatal sense of the word. Yesterday, I had an interesting seaweed-in-my-food experience that caused me multiple trips to the "throne room." But it's all good now! So today, after we got our minds to a point where it was on the verge of unarrangeable (I know that's not a word, hehe) confusion regarding the endless endings of a Greek Verb, I went with colleagues to a nearby cafe inside Payap University, and I ordered what everyone else was having, rice with pork roast and fried basil toppings and an Ice Mocha. The first taste was sooo good! And the second taste, better, .... but the third down to the last bite was like kissing or licking the door of hell. Of course I'm not saying, hell has a door. :D But the insides of my mouth started to burn to the point of numbness that I no longer can think. And my friend who's enjoying her plate kept saying, 'Hot ha! But delicious!' and I kept blowing, "Hoooooh!!

Lunch today was sooo HOT!  Hot in the palatal sense of the word. Yesterday, I had an interesting seaweed-in-my-food experience that caused me multiple trips to the "throne room." But it's all good now!  So today, after we got our minds to a point where it was on the verge of unarrangeable (I know that's not a word, hehe) confusion regarding the endless endings of a Greek Verb, I went with colleagues to a nearby cafe inside Payap University, and I ordered what everyone else was having, rice with pork roast and fried basil toppings and an Ice Mocha.   The first taste was sooo good!  And the second taste, better, ....  but the third down to the last bite was like kissing or licking the door of hell. Of course I'm not saying, hell has a door.  :D But the insides of my mouth started to burn to the point of numbness that I no longer can think.  And my friend who's enjoying her plate kept saying, 'Hot ha! But delicious!' and I kept blowing, "Hooooo

Yayy, I barely made it! I barely managed to sign in to this blog because my browser is in Thai script and I can't decipher a thing. My companions and I arrived in Chiang Mai via Bangkok late in the evening of Saturday. That was just 3 days ago but here I am again, feeling like I've been here too long already. I have eaten Pad Thai for two consecutive lunches, like the addict that I am, but at lunch today, a friend told me to try something else and she ordered three kinds of dishes that were all hot and spicy and 'interesting' that now, I had to make trips to the throne room so frequently. I think this was caused by the dish that has something darkish and kind of fishy (in the literal sense of the word). When I asked what it was, I was told it's a seaweed. Back home, I only eat "ar-arosip" and agar-agar, so maybe it was the weeds unfamiliarity with my stomach that has brought about the churning of my insides. So I'm here, trying to learn more abou

My companions and I arrived in Chiang Mai via Bangkok late in the evening of Saturday.  That was just 3 days ago but here I am again, feeling like I've been here too long already.  I have eaten Pad Thai for two consecutive lunches, like the addict that  I am, but at lunch today, a friend told me to try something else and she ordered three kinds of dishes that were all hot and spicy and 'interesting' that now, I had to make trips to the throne room so frequently. I think this was caused by the dish that has something darkish and kind of fishy (in the literal sense of the word).  When I asked what it was, I was told it's a seaweed.  Back home, I only eat "ar-arosip" and agar-agar, so maybe it was the weeds unfamiliarity with my stomach that has brought about the churning of my insides. So I'm here, trying to learn more about Greek.  Our teacher seems to know what she's talking about but she's kind of the type that assumes that when she explains,

In the beginning, God made the heavens and the earth, and the rest were made in China! :)

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes soon after I was told that my ultrasonography showed a string of pearls in my ovaries, i.e. a polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Any woman with PCOS has a high risk of developing diabetes later in life.  Well, later-in-life came to me too soon, unlucky me. My dad is a Type2 Diabetic also and that increased my predisposition to the disease.  He died a month ago of unexplained causes.  He was an active man, hiking all over the mountains of Nueva Vizcaya almost on a weekly basis.  I believe now that his death was diabetes-related.  Maybe his heart gave up just like that due to some systemic anomaly caused by an episode of too much or maybe too little sugar in his blood.  I regret now why I was not forceful enough in telling him to pay closer attention to his illness and suggest other remedies after he decided to just quit his Metformin medications due to its uncomfortable side effects.  His death caused me to surf the net high and low to learn everyth

B and I went for our annual break this month and this year we decided to visit Cebu and Davao City. We left our house at

You were like the sun Rising from the far horizon A sure source of light The picture of perfect delight. You traversed the cloudless sky Shiny and perfect in my eye So why did you become the moonlight Casting dark shadows in the night. A thorn in my flesh, a pebble in my shoe The wrinkle in my brow, an arrow in the bow Energy-zapper, loneliness-giver Tear-causer, heartbreaker. Why do my tears have to run dry? Why do my days have to be dreary? Why does my heart needs to bleed out? Why do I have to be in the outside looking in? Why do you have to hurt me over and over? With a treatment that is colder than the worst winter. I bless the day you became to me like a mother, I curse the day you became a green-horned-monster. May I never become like you ever...  My tears will keep falling, my heart will keep breaking Because... You have ruined everything that is good in you and me. Author Unknown mY Synapses...

Barren hills of sadness and pain Skies of emptiness and rain Amidst it all the sun hasn’t shone So mourn, oh heart! Death came by your door Ended the pain and crosses he bore He is gone now, life’s not our own We've lost, feels like, yet he has won. So for now... Just run, my heart! No home for you here Sing your sad song, cry your bitter tear Gales of sorrow in this sea of horror All around you, darkness and terror... but pray, In the night, a moon will be born. Alas, my heart, stop your cryin' Soon, a flow’r will bloom in the rain.

Di ko alam kung matatawa ako sa inis o manenermon ako sa kaasaran dahil sa isang dating kaibigang nagbalikbayan pagkatapos ng halos labim-pitong taong pamamalagi sa bansa ng mga pinaghalong puti at itim.  Sino ba naman kase ang ang hindi mabuwibuwisit eh may edad na siya nang iwanan ang Pinas ngunit pagbalik ay hindi na raw marunong managalog?  Anak ng tinola!  Kung si Rizal pa eh, nangangalingasaw na isda ang katumbas n'yan eh! Heto nga't nangangamoy na rito!  Maigi sana kung bata siyang pumunta doon at maari ko pang patawarin.  Hindi ba niya alam na nakakabanas lang ang ganoong pag-uugali? Malayo namang kahanga-hanga ang isang taong lumilingon sa pinanggalingan kaysa sa taong ipinanganak dito, saka umalis, at pagbalik ay pinagmamalaki pa rin na siya ay Pilipino.  Hay naku!!!! Puwede ba!?!!!!!!  Kahit anong gawin niyang padaanin sa ilong ang Ingles niya, hindi pa rin puputi ang balat niya! Buwisit!  Buti sana kung tama ang balarila niya at pagbaybay! Tawwey ah! Kelay kita ka

Last night in the middle of a downpour A visitor knocked on my backdoor She was wearing a shroud, tears brimming in her eyes I was waiting for her the other day But unexpectedly, she came yesterday Grief. Shrinks say that I should embrace her Because holding her hand is letting go That talking about her will heal my soul Crying because of her is healthy And ignoring her is folly But what do I know? She grips your heart and you cannot breathe She blinds your eyes with tears and you cannot see She makes you stare into nothingness and you cannot think She embraces you and you cannot break free. Maybe time is indeed the healer Yet I know from before, Grief leaves you never She goes, and back she comes like a lover Yet she offers no solace, not even a pray'r. So weep, my soul Tomorrow is another day...

Last night in the middle of a downpour A visitor knocked on my backdoor She was wearing a shroud, tears brimming in her eyes I was waiting for her the other day But unexpectedly, she came yesterday Grief. Shrinks say that I should embrace her Because holding her hand is letting go That talking about her will heal my soul Crying because of her is healthy And ignoring her is folly But what do I know? She grips your heart and you cannot breathe She blinds your eyes with tears and you cannot see She makes you stare into nothingness and you cannot think She embraces you and you cannot break free. Maybe time is indeed the healer Yet I know from before, Grief leaves you never She goes, and back she comes like a lover Yet she offers no solace, not even a pray'r. So weep, my soul Tomorrow is another day...

Kalay i patey, to li kaikdag i hawang To kaomaha lay timpon nalabah Nem to katekwa lay masakbayan, Hiyayan kan da ay biyag, ni tayo panyahyahyahan Hina-dom waday gaya, nem wa-wa-day ligat tan panlinggayohan No pampilli dakiho, hapa piyan tayon manta-olid yan biyag mowan? Halamat et ngo ay tokiho hindak ni Nallagan hi-gatayo Isunga anggan kindaw To lay biyag ni anhemek tayo Amta tayo ngo dadan ay ag mahammah Apo Diyoh Hota annan palano To, hiyaman i kustokusto. Panggep ni degeh ni kamalekna panggep ni naandi lad ya Amon dakel i kamaibbagga ni kan ta ay kalay anhan dama To anhan la binigla, nakol igyan ma-noy agyat ni wada Kan ta kayman ngo ay mabaybayag od pay na-mo Nem hipay pahding tayo, makakonhi-gan biyag Kan to ay inggato law diyan aboh. Halamat ngo dadan Apo, ni timpon indawat mo Kaanohan ni ama, hi-gami nangiptekan mo, Dakel ni sakripisyo noman i impatibew to Kuston ogali tan pahding ni pambiyag, hiyaman i impatawid to. No waday nebbeng ko ni mangi-ittak ni hakey too Andi adom n

My dad died today. It was so sudden, my mind is still reeling at the suddenness of it. He was ok, one moment, and now he's gone. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's gone!

For a few days, I abstained from logging on to my Facebook account and if I did, it was only to update my status. As a result of my absence, some people wondered. One of the people who kind of got worried was an ex-boyfriend who has become a very good friend and his other ex girlfriend who was also an old friend of mine in High School. So when I finally got back in circulation, I heard that my EX is coming back to the country very soon and that he wants to see me and his other ex and his old friends. I told my old friend (who does not know that I am also an ex of her ex, lol) that I won't be able to make it so she'll have to give Mr. Ex a hug from me. And then she panicked. And I don't know why... :) I was just thinking, it's funny how life turned out for the three of us. I used to be so jealous of my high school friend (but you see, I was the one who brought them together when I learned that my friend has a crush on the guy. The guy and I used to live in the sam

If History is a man and he is sarcastic, I am sure I would hear him say, "DUHH!!" to me over my reaction concerning all the circumstances that I have been obsessing about in the past weeks.  He'd probably would have said, "Come on, we've been here before, we've heard those words before, in fact, one too many times in the past, it was hurled at us, to the point that if I am a diary, this was already a repetitive entry, but the world didn't end with it!  We're still here, and we're okay!  And I can't understand why you're letting it bother you so!!" Be at rest, be at rest, my souL For the Lord has been good to you! So today, I choose to thank the Lord.  Thank You Lord Jesus for enduring my incessant rain of complaints, and even the thunder of anger and frustration over events and words that are beyond my control that most often comes with the downpour. I'm still the weakling that I am so please take a hold of my mind and my h

Last week, my hubby borrowed a car from a very generous ninang so that we can go around town collecting boxes for hundreds of library books that we were hauling into our Center.  Since B was unfamiliar with the car, the car went dead on him three times while we were in the middle of the road when he tried to shift gears. The last three months has been unbelievable and I was left catching my breath even at this time into the fourth month. I wanted to go to neutral but it seems that if I shift gears, my motor will stop running. So here I am chasing time but I feel like I'm running without ever getting to the finish line, wondering if there is even a finish line. There is just no time to kill, and so time is killing me.. and now I'm wondering how I got here. Procrastination, one of my most dominant character has gotten me in trouble yet again.  With the risk of sounding defensive (none of your business since this is me  ranting in my blog, hehe), the procrastination has a v

I was surfing the net one time when I came across a page that was all about the British princes. In an interview, Prince Harry was asked about how he is doing without his mom Princes Di. One of the things he said was that it is strange and sad and one of the reasons he said it's strange is because Mother's Day is no longer meaningful to him. I still have a mother, thank God, but if I am honest, I would admit that mother's day lost half of its meaning for me. For me, it is a sad reminder of what could have been. A time that forces me to feel the pain of non-motherhood... a heartbreaking nostalgia reminiscent of the heartache caused by the loss of a chance, a hope, a love, and a whole different life.. all of which went out the window when I loss him who could have been the reason for me to be smiling now when I hear or read the greetings 'Happy Mother's Day.' However, the past is gone but the future is yet to unfold... so I guess the best thing to say right no

I was surfing the net one time when I came across a page that was all about the British princes. In an interview, Prince Harry was asked about how he is doing without his mom Princes Di. One of the things he said was that it is strange and sad and one of the reasons he said it's strange is because Mother's Day is no longer meaningful to him. I still have a mother, thank God, but if I am honest, I would admit that mother's day lost half of its meaning for me. For me, it is a sad reminder of what could have been. A time that forces me to feel the pain of non-motherhood... a heartbreaking nostalgia reminiscent of the heartache caused by the loss of a chance, a hope, a love, and a whole different life.. all of which went out the window when I loss him who could have been the reason for me to be smiling now when I hear or read the greetings 'Happy Mother's Day.' However, the past is gone but the future is yet to unfold... so I guess the best thing to say right no

I was surfing the net one time when I came across a page that was all about the British princes.  In an interview, Prince Harry was asked about how he is doing without his mom Princes Di.  One of the things he said was that it is strange and sad and one of the reasons he said it's strange is because Mother's Day is no longer meaningful to him. I still have a mother, thank God, but if I am honest, I would admit that mother's day lost half of its meaning for me.  For me, it is a sad reminder of what could have been.  A time that forces me to feel the pain of non-motherhood... a heartbreaking nostalgia reminiscent of the heartache caused by the loss of a chance, a hope, a love, and a whole different life.. all of which went out the window when I lost him who could have been the reason for me to be smiling now when I hear or read the greetings 'Happy Mother's Day.' However, the past is gone but the future is yet to unfold... so I guess the best thing to say righ

My failing memory seemed to have recorded a movie I saw in early High School with the title "83-hours til dawn."  I do not remember the story but what's imprinted on my mind was a scene where the protagonist was wading across a pond one very dark night while his enemies were in pursuit of him.  Well, that has nothing to do with this blog entry.  It's just to give credit to the title that I have borrowed. Today at the dinner table, we were told by our hosts about a horrible story that happened in this village while we were safe in bed last night, when a man was poisoned to death by his drinking buddy; errr enemy I guessed.  The man was forced to drink an acid of some kind and he died after 24 hours of torture where his mouth and all his skin that was touched by the acid was sloughed off and rotted in 24 hours.  Inside, the poison must have eaten into his intestines which caused his tummy to bloat into explosive proportions.  After that story was told, our hosts r

My come-and-go memory seemed to have recorded a movie I saw in early High School with the title "83-hours til dawn." I do not remember the story but what's imprinted on my mind was a scene where the protagonist was wading across a pond one very dark night while his enemies were in pursuit of him. Well, that has nothing to do with this blog entry. It's just to give credit to the title that I have borrowed. Today at the dinner table, we were told by our hosts about a horrible story that happened in this village while we were safe in bed last night, when a man was poisoned to death by his drinking buddy; errr enemy I guessed. The man was forced to drink an acid of some kind and he died after 24 hours of torture where his mouth and all his skin that was touched by the acid was sloughed off and rotted in 24 hours. Inside, the poison must have eaten into his intestines which caused his tummy to bloat into an explosive proportions. After that story was told, our hosts

I knew this would happen! It happens every time, that is! But I never get used to it. I'm talking about being unable to sustain the fascination to a new place beyond two days. So I have been in a paradise-like village surrounded by scenic hills in the distance and I was so thrilled to have been given the opportunity to come for free and everything (not to mention that the food's great too) but after two days, I was getting all kinds of energy-zapping thoughts of home. I'm still here but, 5 days hence, I'll be going home. Here are some pictures of this place.

These are the beauties that we see everyday when we walk to breakfast and the checking sessions...

At the risk of sounding to read too much into my circumstances of the past week or years, I feel that the enemy is really trying his best to distract me from equipping myself to become a competent translation consultant or just to become a good Christian. Two years ago, when I was supposed to participate in a TCDW, I almost died due to internal hemorrhaging and then a surgery that went bad.  So the Lord directed me to use my time to get biblical training in the seminary but again I nearly died due to sepsis (blood infection) and typhoid fever.   Early this year, a loved one's disobedience to the Lord almost derailed me and made me asked myself if I am even qualified to be trained to become a Scripture consultant when I cannot even keep a member of my team on the right tract.   This past week, while in the middle of the training, my only grandfather died.  That was both a good and a sad thing.  It is good because his suffering has stopped but losing someone in the family is always s

1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. 'Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it' Psalms 118:24 2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart.' I Samuel 16:7 3 Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. 'He who guards his lips guards his soul.' Proverbs 13:3 4. Stand Up!!... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. 'Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good...' Galatians 6:9-10 5. Look Up !!... To the Lord. 'I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.'

Yesterday, I was hanging some sheets on the clothesline when I saw a couple of orange lilies peeping through a blanket of dry pine needles and pineapple leaves.  I went and picked three of them giving me six glorious orangeness.   I found a little vase for them and put them on my dining table, admiring them as I did my chores.  I was gonna leave the orange beauties on my dining table but I changed my mind.  I took the vase with the flowers with me when we left the house and they're now sitting on top of my kitchen worktable.  The petals looked perfect and they seemed to be telling me that this is just another quite and peaceful day--no mind-boggling puzzles to solve, no heartbreaking situations to face.  I was quite wrong because today, I felt so useless... at least to my grandfather.  When we went up our village last Friday, my younger brother told me that my sick grandfather wanted me to go to him and pull a tooth that has been giving him trouble for quite some ti