MARGIENARY

People think that I am this truly put-together person.  What they don't know is that 90% of the time, I am barely able to contain the cyclone raging inside my head. A storm of self-defeating thoughts, of past shame, of past sins, of past abuses, of past anger that can sometimes boil up to a point where it becomes this one explosion of outburst followed by a season of angry depression. People think I usually know what I am doing. What they don't understand is that inside I am just a heap of nerves pretending to be self-confident and sure of herself. People seem to believe that my devil-may-care attitude is real. They do not know that I care and get hurt about every sarcastic, unkind, patronizing remark or joke that I hear. I get constant headaches that make me a bitch. If you ask me to do you a favour or get something for you in one of those times, you will meet the unkindest version of me. I hate jokes that are not funny, especially the ones where one has to shut down o

This is not a proper story. I just wanted to honor someone for the goodness and kindness of his heart, and so here goes.  I usually get weird after undergoing some sort of a difficulty, be it about work, health, or emotionally draining situations. Therefore, I was not surprised to find myself in such a state since this week begun when I saw from FB that a person who has been an important part of my world is in one of the most tragic and heartbreaking situations one could ever be thrown into, suddenly. I started discerning that something has gone wrong with someone I care about when I suddenly felt a physical pain shot to my core and my knees buckled as I was trying to balance 6  styrocups of hot coffee and my cellphone while I was descending an airport escalator.  For some reason, I knew in my heart this person is in pain before I even saw the post in FB about what happened. It does not help either that  I was mentally beat after an intense and mind-numbing endeavour over the past t