MARGIENARY

Twice, I have died for a few minutes in an operating table that the first thing the doctor blurted out to my waiting husband was, "Good news, you became a widower today, but now you aren't!"  I have lost a child, I lost pregnancies, and as a result, I also lost some essential parts of my body, which sometimes makes me feel like I am half a woman.  Innocent statements like, "why don't you have more children? I'll pray you'll bear a girl," makes you feel a bit insecure and sad.   I have lost my dad in a very traumatic way because I cannot shake the feeling that my lack of CPR skills may have been the thing that killed him, not to mention that my own mother, in her grief of suddenly losing her husband to cardiac arrest told me what a waste putting me through college was when I could not even use it to save my dad.  I have lost opportunities; I have had a difficult life early on, but one of the most difficult times by far, was the psychology of being se