PAST Insanities

One habit I have when the clock strikes midnight is to make sure my glass slippers don't fall off my feet as I run to the... hahaha!!! Seriously, what I do is that I look at my Facebook posts memories and see what was up with me all these past years.  Lately I have been seeing lots of angsty poetry both in English and Kalanguya.  It is a bit encouraging for me to look back and realize that I am in a better place now in terms of my health, biopsycho-spiritually, I mean, if my writings from years ago were to bear witness about my "now and then." 

Here is one that I lifted from today's memories.  

One angstsy Friday... (a repost from years ago)

In my moments of stupidity…
sometimes, I wish I never knew You
so that I can just hate people who make life unbearable.

 When I hurt, I wish I never knew You
so that I can just wallow in my pain 
and not acknowledge the fact 
that You’ve suffered worse pain than this
so that I can be freed from everything
including my stupidity...

 When people mistreat me
I wish I do not know You
so that I may blame whoever I want,
and always play the victim 
that I may exact my vengeance.

When my life is bleak and I am caught 
between a rock and a hard place
I wish I never knew You
So that I can just curse at my life 
for not going the way I want it to go.

 When my days are dark, no sunrise in sight
I wish I never knew You, 
so that I can just soak up the darkness
and die alone like a hermit in a desert.

 But in my moments of sanity
I am thankful that even while I was playing a rebel
You have known me and have chosen me
You have loved me fiercely with that prodigal heart of Yours
And You’ve embraced me 
and never have You ever let me go.

Thank you,
for letting me love You with my rebellious heart
for letting me love You with all my sinfulness and hatred
for letting me love You with my tears and my foolishness
for letting me love You with all my pain and baggages
for letting me love You with all my scars and brokenness
....not just despite of.

Also…
I do love You with all my hopes
I do love You with all my dreams
I do love You with all my joy
I do love You with all I have
I do love You with all my life.

Iloveyou...

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