FEELING DUMB
It has been almost two weeks now since I was discharged from the hospital and 4 days since I finished up all my antibiotic treatments. But for some reason, I still feel like a fish out of water. Except for a persistent dry cough and unexplainable lethargy, I am not really feeling under the weather, but mentally, I still feel like I am down in the dumps. I botched my quizzes in Greek yesterday (although that was aggravated by the professor giving me one wrong quiz paper. It was not the one I studied for but one that I have taken earlier, so at least I would expect that there should be a little bit of it retained in my mind, but nada!) With the other quiz (I took two of them because I missed the last one during my hospital stay), I forgot most of the vocabularies, the case endings, and so I was not able to translate any of the Greek sentences. I came home feeling like I was the dumbest person who ever lived. I have studied real hard, prayed, and I had a strong feeling I would do okay but when I got into it, the mental lapses and blocks were just inexplicably and mercilessly there.
In another course, we were assigned a reading about syncretism and folk 'Christian religion' in the Philippines. The topic was so interesting that there were a lot of things I would have liked to explore and discuss with my professor. But to my dismay, during discussion, I stopped in midsentence one too many times, not knowing what to say next because somehow my mind has just shut down or gone somewhere else or has totally blanked out. I get unbelievably confused when I try to organize my thoughts that every word I was thinking to say just fly away.
Today I had a meeting with a mentor from the West who is teaching me about Curriculum Design. Before we proceeded with our session, she asked me how I was doing and I described to her what's been happening to me. What a relief when she told me that she had had typhoid fever herself some years ago, and it took at least two months before her normal brain capability, and memory power came back. She said she was taking linguistic courses at the time which of course requires a lot of critical thinking, and when she starts writing up her analyses, her mind would suddenly just go blank for no comprehensible reason at all. With that, she said I should not be expecting myself to be back to my normal self -- the ill-tempered, sarcastic, cranky, belligerent (she didn't say those adjectives of course:) but effective and happy Margie after only a few days. She also suggested that I take Vit. B Complex to help refurbish my neurons so my brain can cope with the stress it has been and is being subjected to. When I got home, I called my Dr to ask him about my symptoms. He said they can possibly be caused by the infection that I had, but that my condition should improve in due course. If it does not, then I might have other problems! Of course, my reaction was, "OH, PLEASE!! ENOUGH ALREADY!" I also asked the Dr if Vit. B Complex will indeed be of help to my nervous system problem and he said it might and he actually gave me a prescription by SMS without my having to go to the hospital and paying professional fees and all the other fees the hospital people usually come up with. :-)
So let's see if the Vitamins will work their magic on me. Hehe!
Friends and family alike, I am asking you again to please continue to pray for me regarding my health troubles. It might be that the stressful fact that I have been kind of plagued by illnesses this year is what's causing all this brain function problems. The anxiety of knowing that my health is indeed compromised and that I have to deal with all these the best way I can might be taking its toll on me. May the Lord grant me His grace to have patience on myself and my seemingly stunted recovery. God bless all of you... thanks...
The day before yesterday, I wrote some verses for a friend telling her to Let God Hold her Hand as she tries to figure out issues in her life... It seems to me now that I could use the message of that poem myself... I do have peace in the certainty that God is holding my hand... it is only right that I let Him do the holding,... because I know that He will never let go.
In another course, we were assigned a reading about syncretism and folk 'Christian religion' in the Philippines. The topic was so interesting that there were a lot of things I would have liked to explore and discuss with my professor. But to my dismay, during discussion, I stopped in midsentence one too many times, not knowing what to say next because somehow my mind has just shut down or gone somewhere else or has totally blanked out. I get unbelievably confused when I try to organize my thoughts that every word I was thinking to say just fly away.
Today I had a meeting with a mentor from the West who is teaching me about Curriculum Design. Before we proceeded with our session, she asked me how I was doing and I described to her what's been happening to me. What a relief when she told me that she had had typhoid fever herself some years ago, and it took at least two months before her normal brain capability, and memory power came back. She said she was taking linguistic courses at the time which of course requires a lot of critical thinking, and when she starts writing up her analyses, her mind would suddenly just go blank for no comprehensible reason at all. With that, she said I should not be expecting myself to be back to my normal self -- the ill-tempered, sarcastic, cranky, belligerent (she didn't say those adjectives of course:) but effective and happy Margie after only a few days. She also suggested that I take Vit. B Complex to help refurbish my neurons so my brain can cope with the stress it has been and is being subjected to. When I got home, I called my Dr to ask him about my symptoms. He said they can possibly be caused by the infection that I had, but that my condition should improve in due course. If it does not, then I might have other problems! Of course, my reaction was, "OH, PLEASE!! ENOUGH ALREADY!" I also asked the Dr if Vit. B Complex will indeed be of help to my nervous system problem and he said it might and he actually gave me a prescription by SMS without my having to go to the hospital and paying professional fees and all the other fees the hospital people usually come up with. :-)
So let's see if the Vitamins will work their magic on me. Hehe!
Friends and family alike, I am asking you again to please continue to pray for me regarding my health troubles. It might be that the stressful fact that I have been kind of plagued by illnesses this year is what's causing all this brain function problems. The anxiety of knowing that my health is indeed compromised and that I have to deal with all these the best way I can might be taking its toll on me. May the Lord grant me His grace to have patience on myself and my seemingly stunted recovery. God bless all of you... thanks...
The day before yesterday, I wrote some verses for a friend telling her to Let God Hold her Hand as she tries to figure out issues in her life... It seems to me now that I could use the message of that poem myself... I do have peace in the certainty that God is holding my hand... it is only right that I let Him do the holding,... because I know that He will never let go.
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