Sunday, October 31, 2010
I also did some vision testing today with some of the women. I think all of them will have to have reading glasses. This i-see program is really great! I'm sure when people from other villages hear of it, they'll clamor for the service too.
TY to the As for buying, and bringing the equipment and supplies. Now, all I need to do is to find someone and train him/her to do it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Hayyy, kahirap talagang mamalimos, oo!
:) (Napansin ko lang, puro reklamo ang ginagawa ko sa blogs ko ngayon. Hmmm, maybe I'm getting old!)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So when I titled this blog entry PSYCHED UP, I was thinking about something else. Actually, I was thinking about the exact opposite thing. I was thinking about how neurotic can one get before s/he crosses the line into becoming a psychotic. I was thinking about my mental patient back in nursing college who from day 1 called me Geraldine, and he told me that that was the name of her daughter, only to find out in the end (when I finally read the patient chart) that Geraldine was the name of the girl he victimized. But the question is why was I thinking about that?
Well, I don't know. The mind is an untamed beast. Your eyes could be watching a little independent movie with a provocative theme and who knows what the mind could connect it with and dredge up some old mental pictures from years past that would remind you what a coward you are. But then the mind could also be so cruel with its inability to tell you some stuff that you wish you could remember. Like I wish I could remember the reason why when anyone says they would like a word with me, the first thing that comes to my mind is, "OK, what did I do?" even if it is obvious that the person only wanted to know how I am doing.
So yes, I am neurotic this way. One could make an innocent comment and I would obsess about it the whole night thinking if the commenter meant it to cause me to realize something or if I have done something that hurt them or what? How much more if one acts like I don't exist, then I obsess about it a whole week (ok, to be honest, every waking hour of my life thereafter) and bring in other life pressures, sometimes the feeling of being left to stand on a quicksand gets so strong that I'd feel like my last ounce of sanity is hanging on a thread that is ready to give out. I am not like Rose in Sunshine Cleaning who can whisper to herself that she is powerful, that she can do anything, then she's okay for the moment. You'll probably ask, "Ok, then how do you do it?" Some would answer that question with stuff like, I go out and do something interesting or I listen to Shania Twain or I just put it out of my mind. I don't.
I would like to say that my response to the question is by praying and giving it all to God, but that would be hypocritical of me because I don't always do. I do sometimes, and those few times, it made the difference between being messed up and being truly peaceful, but human nature sometimes win over and I just let the insanity take me wherever it wants to go. I would even refuse the nudge of the Holy Spirit to pray because I would like to (enjoy?) and feel the anger or self-loathing for a little while.
This is messed up, truly messed up.
Okay, I guessed that's why there are songs about taking one day or one step at a time. But what about a leap of faith? Haha, you'd probably tell me those are two totally different things. Maybe they are! Are they really?
(Today I was advised to just let things go and dance with the music but that when the music is through, then I should play my own music. Yeah, yeah, whatever... thing is I can't dance nor can I play.)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I crashed. No, I don't mean it like the way a computer would crash. If I meant that, then I won't be here writing about it, right?
I went to bed after work last Friday and spent most of the night tiring my eyes out to be able to sleep. I slept at around five in the morning, and woke up two hours later when the sun came shining through my curtains in full glaring glory, feeling as if I am hang-over. The new medicine I am on has funny side effects. You feel like you're having the worst morning sickness of your life, made even much worst by diarrhea and a hairsplitting headache. But it does keep my blood sugar within normal and at least for the last two days, I have been free from the pain caused by my ovarian cysts. So I guessed, there is no way to get the best of both worlds. I have to suffer the headache, the nausea, the dizziness, and the diarrhea, so I won't feel the cystic pain or so I won't die due to high blood sugar complications. Sometimes, I wish I have the option to choose the latter, because it is the easiest of all my other choices.
Today is Sunday and nothing has improved. I didn't go to church because my head swims when I try to get up. I forced myself to bathe and almost lost conciousness in the bathroom. Darn this body for rotting too early...
I am so tired of feeling like this... tomorrow I'll be back to the grind... I'm sure I could muster enough adrenaline to last me a whole day.... hopefully!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The first interpretation is that the person who keeps repeating himself is deaf, and that is okay. That is not so critical. But when one keeps asking a questions when the answer was already clearly stated the first time, it means that he does not trust the answer to be right, and so he keeps asking the same question over and over.
I for one don't like too much repetition; you could blame it on my Igorotness (Kalanguyaness in particular), and maybe a little bit of my personality. Whatever works. :) So when this happened to me recently, I was so irritated, I almost threw my laptop against the wall. Okay, not my laptop... just the mug filled with my steaming coffee. But really, I was so angry I snarled at the wrong person. Okay, I did not snarl, cuz we were yahoo messaging but I forgot to put a smiley on what I wrote and when you read it aloud without a smiley, it would sound like a she-dog snarl.
I was blaming it on the fact that I haven't been able to work in the last few days because all I have been doing was answering emails and tweaking things. So I was expecting that at last, everything was clear and I could go back to work. But then this question came and I answered it politely and patiently, and clearly (at least I thought I did.) A few minutes passed, and the question was back, just phrased differently! Then again, I answered and said "Yes, that is correct!" And then came another reply, "OK, thanks. So does that mean you did not ..blah blah blah?" And then that's when I lost it. It's either he thought I am a liar or one who is so daft that I might not be understanding the question correctly.
Haayyy! I said I would only be blogging about the Igorota's goodness. I guessed, the bitchiness will have to be in the mix there somewhere, or else it would be so fairy-tale-like and boring. (I just read the script of the movie Ever After. Yup, I'm into reading scripts of movies that I have seen in the past. It is almost the same as viewing it with all the visuals and audio, only of course you have to be seeing the scenes in your mind.)
I guess the person only wants to really really really confirm the answer; so yes, I did answer it politely and patiently the third time, but then I had to come here and vent and bore some unfortunate reader, right? 'goodness!
Friday, October 1, 2010
With all these movie marathon I've been doing, I've also been suffering from the-last-song syndrome for a couple of nights now. Couldn't stop myself from humming or singing the songs that are played while the credits are rolling. Like the second movie I saw tonight, one line of it says, "Funny, ... falling feels like flying........... for a li'l while." I think the lyricist was so clever, coming up with that. In another song, there is a line that says, "I used to be somebody, but now I am somebody else." Now you see, I'm a sucker for wordplays. I thrive in puns and sarcasm although I must admit, I am not witty enough to come up with effective puns. But sarcasm, I was told I ooze with it, especially the kind that people usually misinterprets and so most often hurt them.
Hehayyyy a kan ni hi odidyan Lani...