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Showing posts from June, 2018

..a wretched wretched day...

Do the cells in our bodies remember their pain even when the mind itself (which is also made up of cells) has chosen to forget? I have been wondering why I have been like a volcano that stayed dormant for a century but is now erupting nonstop and spewing sulfur and hot lava with just the slightest provocation.For the last two days, I can feel that something has been on the back of my mind that could not seem to burst through to the front. I feel nothing but melancholy, a sadness in my spirit for which a specific reason I could not seem to put my finger on; a feeling of wretchedness and despondency that is so encompassing I only get up from bed when my 6-year old says he needs help with something. I am aware of the gloominess in my soul and that I should deal with it, rather than exploding at everyone at every turn, but I seem to be consciously making an effort to keep my mind from acknowledging that there is something that is making me feeling the way I feel--mournful and desolate. Th…

Bad days good days

Yesterday, I found out that no matter how old you get, you still fight the same. I am talking about getting into a fight with someone you have known all your life.  I also found out that the same things make you tick from since you were little up to now that you are an adult. The intensity of your reaction and response may vary, depending on your emotional maturity but basically for me, I have never really changed in the way I respond to a certain person when that person offends me.  
Respect is earned, they say, and that is true, but some types of respect are granted because of a particular relationship, and these kinds which are freely given without being earned are the most difficult to restore once it is lost.  It goes the same with trust.  I trusted and respected some people because they are my flesh and blood. Based on that I trusted them to keep their words and respect me the way I respect them, but lo and behold, some chose to take advantage of me. 
I have lost my respect to …