Bad days good days

Yesterday, I found out that no matter how old you get, you still fight the same. I am talking about getting into a fight with someone you have known all your life.  I also found out that the same things make you tick from since you were little up to now that you are an adult. The intensity of your reaction and response may vary, depending on your emotional maturity but basically for me, I have never really changed in the way I respond to a certain person when that person offends me.  

Respect is earned, they say, and that is true, but some types of respect are granted because of a particular relationship, and these kinds which are freely given without being earned are the most difficult to restore once it is lost.  It goes the same with trust.  I trusted and respected some people because they are my flesh and blood. Based on that I trusted them to keep their words and respect me the way I respect them, but lo and behold, some chose to take advantage of me. 

I have lost my respect to this particular person and it will take a long road for me to grant that again because all I have seen and gotten from this person so far is irresponsibility and  abuse of my kindness.  Flesh and blood or not, I will forgive but forgiveness does not always mean a healed relationship. Sometimes it means letting it be. 

So yes, yesterday was such a bad day I was struck by my inability to comprehend how I let myself be taken such disadvantaged of in that way. It was mindbogglingly stupid.

mY Synapses...