MARGIENARY

How did I end up here?  I have now become an angry mess with a bitterness that puts ampalaya to shame. I am angry at people who owe me lots and abused my kindness. Did I allow them to? Is it my fault that I could not say no to needy relatives?  Maybe. But I was just trying to be kind so I believed them and their empty promises. I am angry at people who used to be kind and were able to read me like their morning FB feeds.  Now they seem to choose to misinterpret my actions and my words.  I am angry at people who used to be someone to me but have now chosen to become strangers. I am angry at my life, for being neck-deep in debt because I work in a job that does not take care of my family's needs when in fact I could be compensated better for what I do, if I am not a commitment-honouring fool, who would die first before breaking a vow. I am angry, I am sad, I am done....so so done. mY Synapses...

1. No matter how sincere you think you are, the worst apology you can ever say is, "I am sorry, but I don't know what for!"  During a conflict, when you decide to take the high road and apologize eventhough you are 100% convinced and 100% sure that you did nothing wrong, then by all means, be the bigger person and apologize but be sure you are apologizing to help the other person and not to excuse yourself or just to make sure the other person realize how stupid they are for getting unnecessarily offended when whatever you did was not meant to hurt them, or even meant for them. mY Synapses...

...in life, a time comes when you doubt everything.. the path that brought you where you are; the commitments and promises you made, whether you have done enough in keeping them, or whether it is time to stop, revisit, and maybe make new ones. You doubt the knowledge and skills you have accumulated so far. You ask yourself if they are helping to make you grow or they are only  holding you back from where you should or need to be. You doubt your sanity. You doubt the people in your life. You doubt yourself. Are you enough? Are you through? Are you still necessary? Are you still an asset or have you become a liability?  Is it worth it? Holding on, that is! Are you done or are you done for? Do you still have something to give or should you just accept that it is now a fact that you have ran out of faith, of love, of hope? Will joy ever smile at you again? Will direction ever be clear to you again? Will life go on? Will love conquer all? Will the darkness lift when morning comes? ...