THE SECOND DECADE OF HER LIFE
(or at least what's left in my memory of the events of 1988-1998)
just turned 11 that year when High School brought her to a new place 13 hours drive
away from her hometown. That is an hour walk down the mountains plus a
7-hour bus ride to the capital city of the country and another 4 hours in a
crowded little bus to a beautiful little city perched atop a stiff
overhang. Down the gorge is the magnificently silent Taal Volcano in the middle
of a beautiful lake that separates Laguna and Batangas.
Period of Adjustment. Memories of those four
long and eventful years brought smile, and tears to her eyes; a period of
transition from childhood to teenage life. Her first year was a period of
difficult adjustment in all aspects; the new environment, the new faces, new
phase of education and the new language and the new food, and the new language
and the new language, and the new language. 
It was horribly a tough time for an
eleven-year-old village girl. First she had to learn to get use to the new taste
of food. That was the easiest part and the thing she liked most. To her, everyday is a feast in
comparison to the bland rice and occasional viand back home in the
mountains. Second year, She has adjusted a little. Teachers began
to notice her. She was elected president of the Biology club and given
the charge of all the pieces of laboratory equipment available in the
lab. She got to peek at a microscope and She was really thrilled. She
told herself, oh maybe She'd become an MD when She grows up. Sophomore
year is over and She finished number eleventh among the 400 sophomores.
Of the many people in her class, She was able to make one
friend only. The daughter of a squatter, who was not a-dime-poorer than her
family. Her friend’s father collects garbage, hers tills the field. Her
friend’s mom does laundry, hers feeds pigs. Nothing significantly
different. Dissimilar but not different. (Unfortunately, her friend’s father
was shot by a security guard at a nearby hotel where he tried to get in to
check the craps, and Emily, her only friend in Second Year high school was
forced to stop to help her mother make both ends meet for their family.) She
wanted to help but she has nothing to give. She works as a house girl from dusk
till dawn but all She got was a two-peso coin to get her to school plus a rice
in her lunch box and an extra
for her school magazine. She never felt so helpless until then. She lost her
friend in September and so from September to March, She eats alone during lunch
breaks, walk home alone, etc., etc, alone. None of the Tagalogs wanted to
have anything to do with this 'tagabundok.' (That's what they call
her.) 
First Love. She was thirteen, a junior in high
school. He was four years older than She, however, still a sophomore and
lives in the same compound where She lives. A nephew to the boss, She
look up at him and down at herself. She was only an insignificant house
girl serving his aunt. But then, She found out that he went through a lot
in life and so he does not consider himself better off than any of the others
including her. She only had a little crush on him that blossomed into
something that She doesn’t understand. She hates him when he smiles at
her. She wanted to throw anything at him when he teases her. Yet her
eyes wander in search of him whenever he is out of sight. She’s loved him
with the kind of love that is satisfied when he, trying to appear
inconspicuous, would get food from the buffet table or mix juice or chocolate
drink and put it in front of her without a single word. A little brush of
his hands on her hair when he passes her by or letting her carry his things
home when he and his friends needs to stay in school later than the others, are
all heaven to her. During prayer meetings, he’d chose to pray with her,
almost all of the time. And he writes her little notes (not love notes
but more like sisterly ones) on plain white papers folded in quarters. Her
favorite of all time is one that reads: “When you are lonely, and nothing to
do, just look up the sky and say my name, and the joy will come back to you.
Love, J.” She found the note in a dictionary in the library that he knew She
usually carry with her to bed. Imagine how happy She was! Later
that day, during suppertime, he took her aside and said, “That J there stands
for JESUS.” “Oh well, of course!” She told him back. Jesus or
Jhun, it doesn’t matter to her. Because all of her free moments, She
spend looking up the heavens, wishing, asking and praying to Jesus to give her a
chance to love and be loved by this one.
In all her high school years, he never told her anything
about how he feels for her but in all the things he did to please her, She was
sure deep in her heart that the feeling is reciprocal. The only nearest thing
that he got to tell her his feelings for her was when he didn’t talk to her for
one whole week with no reason at all…other than seeing her walked home with a guy
who’s a classmate of hers. Other ways that he expressed himself to her was
through his artworks in the pages of her school notebooks and through
dedicating songs to her in people's autograph books. She remembers, there
are 7 autograph books that She’s read with her name written under the song
“Closer You and I.” That song became their secret theme song. She’d die a
thousand deaths every time they play it on the airwaves. Here’s the lyrics that
carries her to the 7th heaven when she hears it.
Hey, there's a look in your eyes
Must be love at first sight
You were just part of a dream
Nothing more so it seemed
But my love couldn't wait much longer
Just can't forget the picture of your smile
'Coz every time I close my eyes
You come alive.
The closer I get to touching you
The closer I get to loving you
Give it a time
Just a little more time
We'll be together
Every little smile
That special smile
The twinkle in your eye
In a little while
Give it a time
Just a little more time
So we can get closer
You and I.
Then could I love you more
So much stronger than before
Why does it seem like a dream
So much more so it seems
I guess I found my inspiration
With just one smile, you take my breath away
So hold me close
And say you'll stay with me now.
One day, her friends, (By the way, She was on top of her class in all her
junior and senior years in high school and because of that, everything changed
and took a better shape. Friends swarm around her like bees in a
honeycomb. But she has 7 friends closest to her. They call themselves,
The Magnificent 7. Hahah! Very confident huh! During that year, it fitted
them since they were the 7 top notchers of the class. They sit and stand
and walk by rank.) were in the mood for teasing each other about their
crushes. She was very secretive and unparticipative. They were all over her
in one instant and shook her to her wits trying to shake her secret crush out
of her lips. After almost an hour of lighthearted teasing, the secret
came out. His name was RC Jr. She calls him Kuya Jhun.
Months passed and a funny (as She thinks about it now),
heartrending (then, anyway) thing happened. One of her friends asked her
if she might be introduced to her “kuya (big brother).” She conceded to
bridge them up right away. Why? To have a reason to talk to him
whenever She wants to and to have a safe subject to talk about between them!
Unwittingly, She fell for that teenage whim. To make the story short,
Christmas came and went and in
17, 1991
pieces. Her friend won; she got herself a boyfriend. And it was her
Juhn. Her first love. She cried the whole night and woke up the next day
with an ugly, puffy, swollen eyes and a promise. She promised herself
that She would never ever ever talk to any of them again. Ever!
She was never good at keeping her promises to herself.
A couple of weeks passed and her friend came to her crying that she and Jhun
had a fight. Her friend asked her to fix it. She only didn’t break her
promise to herself, but She also committed the same mistake (bridging them
up-well, that’s what She thought then, a mistake) twice. Anyway, the gap
was bridged and again, they dismissed her to the background. With a
vengeance, She focused her time on her studies and so She excelled in almost
all areas of learning (almost, because She detest Citizen Army Training).
She was at the top of her class from the First Grading Period down to the
last. She came out of high school with a certificate recognizing her as
the “Pinakamahusay sa Klase’92 (Most Outstanding Pupil of Class 92).”
Graduation was awful though. She was running a high fever the whole time
and so it wasn’t enjoyed but rather endured. To make matters worse, Jhun didn’t
even shook her hand or let alone uttered “Congratulations!” It was a
lonely time. She felt so under par and so alone. Even her own
brother congratulated her ‘friend’ first before he came to her. She was
utterly beaten, both physically and emotionally. She was the one with the
recognitions of academic achievements but She was desolate. She was
jealous; it was a wretched feeling; makes one nauseous (well, of course, this
is more like due to her 41 degrees C fever but that's how She felt then).
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