tough deal
There is much to say but no words can seem to capture the heaviness in my heart right now, so i'll just babble about my trip down south.
Last December 28, I found out that you can be happy for one person and be heartbroken by that same person at the same time. There is this wedding I went to and I knew beforehand that it would be strange to be seeing the girl marching towards the altar where a 'different' groom is waiting for her. But I never expected that I would react or rather that my lacrimal glands would react the way they did when I heard the bridal march and the congregation was told to rise to welcome the bride. She glided into the hall not with the traditional bridal march but with Shania Twain's From This Moment, and by the second line of the song, I was already wiping tears, not because I was happy but because my heart was breaking for this other guy whom we in the family have always expected to be the one waiting for the bride at the altar. (I learned last night, that at around the same instant, miles and miles away, up in the northern island, the same guy I was weeping for was saying to a cousin, "Can you believe it? She is getting married today. Maybe right this minute, she is saying her vows."
A few minutes later, while the bride and groom were exchanging their vows, a little boy climbed up to my lap and started crying. That triggered another fresh well of tears from my eyes, that my husband (who was busy taking videos) had to come sit beside me and put his arms around me for a moment. The little boy continued crying, and my tears kept falling, until the baby fell asleep. Somehow, the little boy instinctively knew that I am his only ally at that time.... that we are the only two people who kind of do not belong there, in a way. The 2-year old boy is the son of the bride with the guy I was weeping for... a very dear cousin.
(It's good most people do not really know me other than being the sister-in-law of the bride.)
I'm usually a tough girl... I broke my heart a few times in my younger years but I never lost it the way I did that day... and at someone else's wedding at that. I usually get angry, set my chin high, and go hiking. :) So it was so strange for me to be in a wedding weeping and mourning for someone else's heartache, while being happy for the newlyweds as well.
It's good our hearts can hold two conflicting strong emotions simultaneously. If not, I might just have taken a walk that day.
Last December 28, I found out that you can be happy for one person and be heartbroken by that same person at the same time. There is this wedding I went to and I knew beforehand that it would be strange to be seeing the girl marching towards the altar where a 'different' groom is waiting for her. But I never expected that I would react or rather that my lacrimal glands would react the way they did when I heard the bridal march and the congregation was told to rise to welcome the bride. She glided into the hall not with the traditional bridal march but with Shania Twain's From This Moment, and by the second line of the song, I was already wiping tears, not because I was happy but because my heart was breaking for this other guy whom we in the family have always expected to be the one waiting for the bride at the altar. (I learned last night, that at around the same instant, miles and miles away, up in the northern island, the same guy I was weeping for was saying to a cousin, "Can you believe it? She is getting married today. Maybe right this minute, she is saying her vows."
A few minutes later, while the bride and groom were exchanging their vows, a little boy climbed up to my lap and started crying. That triggered another fresh well of tears from my eyes, that my husband (who was busy taking videos) had to come sit beside me and put his arms around me for a moment. The little boy continued crying, and my tears kept falling, until the baby fell asleep. Somehow, the little boy instinctively knew that I am his only ally at that time.... that we are the only two people who kind of do not belong there, in a way. The 2-year old boy is the son of the bride with the guy I was weeping for... a very dear cousin.
(It's good most people do not really know me other than being the sister-in-law of the bride.)
I'm usually a tough girl... I broke my heart a few times in my younger years but I never lost it the way I did that day... and at someone else's wedding at that. I usually get angry, set my chin high, and go hiking. :) So it was so strange for me to be in a wedding weeping and mourning for someone else's heartache, while being happy for the newlyweds as well.
It's good our hearts can hold two conflicting strong emotions simultaneously. If not, I might just have taken a walk that day.
Comments
take care, sis.