... here's to life

It is a good thing Blogger does not kick out people who stay away from their blogs for too long.  I would have been asked to leave long time ago if they do. It is always good to come back here and read what transpired in years past, so I am back but mostly to use this page again as a therapist.  I always find it therapeutic to write about things that have had an impact on my life specially the scary and bad ones.

Yup, I almost died exactly a day before the 4th death anniversary of my dad. It was around 11PM, while I was writing my case digests on a Saturday, the 14th of this month when I felt this nerve-racking pain in my lower abdomen. I tried to psych myself up and get it under control but when I could not, I awaken my husband and told him that maybe he should take me to the hospital.  After that, I passed out because of the pain.  My husband thought I fell asleep.  When I came to, it was already early in the morning of Sunday and the pain has gotten worse and I asked Bong again (who was very disoriented from sleep) to wake my mom up so she could watch Xami for us.  My mom just came from a funeral in a far-flung village the previous day so she was so very tired and could not be awaken from all the knocking. Fortunately, our other neighbours were awake so they helped Bong put me in the truck and off we went to the "tertiary" hospital in the next town.

I was wheeled into the emergency room at probably half past 4AM. The pain was getting worst by the minute and they did a flurry of activities around me. I told them I suspect it might be another tubal pregnancy because the pain was similar if not even worst than the one I suffered in 08. They took blood and urine samples and their initial diagnosis was a complicated UTI. I asked my husband to beg them to do a pregnancy test on my blood to rule out a ruptured ectopic pregnancy but my husband got yelled at. They wheeled me into the medical ward but I was already having difficulty of breathing.  I asked for an oxygen inhalation tube and they sent my husband to buy one. That helped for a little bit but the pain was spreading in my abdomen even radiating to my shoulders. I sent Bong again to ask when the OB doctor and the surgical doctor who were supposed to see me to rule out pregnancy-related or appendicitis-related diagnoses but it was already three quarter past 10 when a male doctor came. I was coming in and out of consciousness already and I could no longer take a deep breath at the time so when the doctor came and push on my abdomen asking if it is painful I was already incoherent. I remember him raising his voice at me because instead of saying yes or no, I  arch my back at the pain when he pushes, and I  attempt to get his hands off the area he's palpating. My husband said I was already looking like a fish soaked in vinegar with how pale I was. That should have given them a clue that I was haemorrhaging internally.  Before I lost consciousness again, I had the presence of mind to ask for my phone and dial the OB-GYN who did my c-section when I had Xami three years ago. There was no answer on the other end, so I sent a text message begging her to come and see me at the hospital and describing to her my symptoms. I dialled again but I no longer have the strength to talk or even stay conscious. Bong talked to her and Bong told me a day later that she said that after she read my text message, she already suspect that I was in need of an emergency surgery so since she was in another town and might not reach me in time to operate on me, she called her department, the obstetrics, and instructed the senior resident to send someone to get me from the wrong part of the hospital. By this time, all I remember was that I can hear the people around me talking clearly but breathing was already very difficult and I can only manage short little breaths on my mouth. I felt my bones going stiff starting from my ribs which seemed to squeeze my lungs and my heart so tightly every time I attempt to breathe.

I was taken directly to the OR of the Obstetrics wing of the hospital and I remember hearing and seeing some glimpse of activities while I try to remember how to breath. I remember hearing a nurse complaining about how difficult it was to remove my nail polish. I remember another person trying to find a vein for another IVF and for blood transfusion but she could not find anything so the Doctor was the one who inserted the IV line. I remember someone asking permission that she was just gonna cut my clothes off me (apparently I was already too stiff for them to remove the clothes the normal way and I was running out of time).  I heard someone telling me to breath properly, deep breaths instead of the shallow breathing I was doing, I remember thinking, let us exchange places and then you try what you're saying. Someone said, "Darasen yo, matmatay datoyen!" (Hurry up, this one's dying!) And before an oxygen mask was put on my nose and mouth, I heard someone said, "Pray ka lang, Mrs." And then another voice said, "Someone needs to go and inform the husband about the situation." And it seems no one wants to be the one to do that.  I learned from my husband the next morning that no one indeed updated him about my condition. It was only when my old OB-Gyne came when I was already in the recovery room, that she informed Bong telling him something along the lines of "Pastor, muntik ka nang mabalo! Nagflatline si Marj. In-shock pa rin siya pero stable na siya.  Di na kayo kailanman magbubuntis. Ni-refer ko siya sa senior resident dahil alam kong di ko na siya maaabutan kung ako pa ang hihintaying mag-opera." (Pastor, you nearly became a widower.  Marj flat-lined. She is still in shock but she's stable now.  Marj will never get pregnant again. I referred her to the senior resident because I knew that it will be too late if you wait for me to operate on her.) Approximately, I bled for 12 hours, 7 hours of that in a hospital ward. We were going to go to this private hospital but I was thinking about the cost. It would cost me a limb to get a treatment there. It seemed easy enough to go there when it was my son who needed a treatment. But when it came to me, I opted to go to the state hospital, and it almost cost me my life.  In fairness to the OB-Gyne Department, they saved my life, but the ER people should have known better than to stuck me in a medical ward for 7 hours until I nearly bled to death.

I woke up in the recovery room two hours after the surgery, and while there, someone wheeled in another patient. She was complaining that she was already prepped to be operated on for a c-section but they put her aside because of this other patient who was apparently dying. I apologised to her for being the cause of the delay of her scheduled c-section.

The next morning, during the doctor's rounds, I heard my name called, and then one doctor said, "Ah, yan ba yung...."  Another one said, "Oo, yan yung ganyan na oh! (reenacting my unconscious stiff state) and they laughed about it and then they left the room.  A few hours before that, I woke up with a start when I felt someone wiping my surgical wound. I assumed it was the doctor who operated on me.  I said, "Doctora, thank you very much for saving my life." She said, "Oo, grabeh, nangisay ka na at wala ka nang malay."  That was the same doctor who reenacted my dying moments.  Still I am thankful that she was there when I needed her.

This morning, a very good friend sent me a message in FB saying that he does not accept what I told him about what another friend said jokingly... that what happened to me was a shoutout from God because it was not His will for me to go to law school.  My friend said this morning, "What kind of God is that? He killed your baby and nearly killed you just to let you know that you are doing something that is not in line with his will?  I do not believe that!" He said.  Right now, all I know is that the Lord loves me and He protected my life, and that the Enemy comes to destroy and kill, that much is clear to me. So without intending to sound presumptuous, I can imagine myself being some kind of a Job, where the Lord said to Satan, "Give her all you've got but do not take her life."

I am still in pain both in body, soul, and spirit, I am still grieving, I am still broken, but I am certain that I have the love of the God I serve.

I thank you all who remembered me in your prayers when you learned about my situation.  Your kind messages, thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated.


Kayni D said…
Hello! Sis, hang in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers. All these challenges are part of life, we just have to keep our faith and keep moving forward even if it's one step at a time. Hugs and prayers.
Ping-i said…
Welcome back to the blogging world. And also to the real world, it seems. Brought back from the other side. Parang binigyan ka ng second chance. Here's to life indeed!
G said…
Hello sis Kayni, :) Thank you very much! Yes, let us! :) Kumusta ka na rin?
G said…
Hi Wil, Salamat sa pagwelcome. :) Oo nga, this is my fourth life, I only have 5 lives left...hehehe, if I am a cat (which supposedly has 9 lives). Haha!

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