Of money lenders and being overweight

First, Welcome Back, self! I haven't been here for so long. I haven't been anywhere, if you must know, other than at my Facebook wall. Needless to say, I miss blogging.  I got lazy, to be honest. A laziness that was all encompassing that it became a lifestyle for a whole year or so.

What prompted me to dig up my username and reset my password so that I could log on in here again? Well, a socially-motivated observation.  I was in a micro-lending office this morning where people from all walks of life were trying to get their hands on a few dimes to make ends meet for their families. Okay, probably not from all walks of life, just from my "chosen" kind of life.  I had a little emergency this week so I heeded my little sister's advice and went to a lender.

I could not help but notice the condescension being thrown at people's faces around that table this morning.  The tone of voice, the expression on the faces of the lenders, the upward tilt of their chins, it was totally comical, when you consider the fact that micro-lending is really a case of I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine. Without the borrowers, they'd have no business, so why the pride? Why be so irritatingly condescending?

Yet it was for me a real test of humility.  I have humility figured out, or so I thought.  And I was humbled when I found out that I have not really figured it all out, not in all the sense of the word.  When the lenders started talking to us like we cannot mentally come up with the answer to 10000 less 500, or that we have to be reminded more than 10x that life insurance meant you have to be dead before your family could claim the benefit, it was all I could do to not tell the woman that every penny she lends to those mothers, roadside vendors of kwek kwek,  fishballs, etc, keeps her business afloat. Yes, she is the one who has the money to loan out but that gives her no right to look down her nose at people. I kept my mouth shut, I did not say any of the things pushing out the surface of my brain wanting to be uttered but it was a trying thing. I almost did not really hold my peace completely. There was this pledge about responsibility to improve my own life, to help others in the group who are in need, yadah yadah yadah,  and one sentence was phrased in a strange way that I pointed out the other possible interpretation of it and how bad it is really for their business if understood that other way.  There was a moment of weakness when I thought I'd just let go and  rub it in that I have a considerably analytical mind by making fun of their pledge.  Thankfully, I did not. I know that if I did that, I would really be feeling very small right now.

After most of their clients were gone, the lady took a second look at my personal information and when it came my time for the personal interview, she was all smiles and po and madam.  Whatever she saw in my biodata, it made her decide to change her tact with me.  That was totally more aggravating after I watched her deal not so nicely with the others, not to mention how I was treated at first.

In the past, I get irritated because many times people seemed to think and assume that just because  I have a good figure, I probably am a total airhead. Now that I have put on the pounds, all people see is my unhealthy weight, and their first impression of whether to talk to me as an educated person or as a fat person is based on what they perceive or assume regarding my weight.  It can be completely confidence-killing and at times induce a very negative feeling towards people in general.

mY Synapses...


Kayni D said…
Hi Sis, I've missed you and your posts. Your experience sounds interesting (aggravating). The lender or anyone of us should not be judgmental in any way or form. Perhaps because she has the money and the power has gone to her head. I'm glad you were the bigger person in the room.

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