MARGIENARY

It was Monday morning after giving Xami a bath when Bong asked me to feel Xami's forehead because he seemed to be running a fever. I took his temp and it was 39 degrees C. We decided to wait for 24 hours before taking him to the hospital, giving him fever meds for the whole day. We waited for his fever to abate, for 6 hours, then 10, then 12, then 15, then 20, still the fever persisted. I read up on possible diagnosis for a fever that won't listen to antipyretics, with no other signs and symptoms. Instead of waiting for the 24-hour period to pass, we took him to the ER at 3 in the morning because his fever was even getting higher then stayed at 40-41. We arrived at the nurse's station where everyone was asleep. One of the nurses stirred and sleepily interviewed us, took Xami's temp and weight. She gave us instructions to take Xami to the lab for a blood count and urinalysis. On our way to the lab, we met the resident doctor and she told us to go back to the...

I have not written any blog entry or anything personal for that matter in the last year or so. I could say that after my son was born, he occupied all my waking hours, and I would not be lying, but that is not the real reason why I stopped writing. For one, I suffered the dreaded postpartum depression and I did not know how to deal with it. I denied it for months. I kept asking myself why I became too lazy to engage my mind in anything other than changing nappies. Of course there was the occasional burst of energy that enabled me to accomplish some things in my job, but mostly, I have had to drag myself out of bed every morning and force myself to go to work. I knew I needed help but there was no help anywhere. I called my doctor but other than a pill that was supposed to put smiles on my face, she was not really of any help. I did not take the pill as it was contraindicated with breastfeeding so I really do not know if the pill would have helped me had I taken it. Looki...

I used to love to talk.  I used to love to teach or speak in front of people.  When I was younger, I was active in church, I was a youth leader, I was a teacher to my fellow young people, I talk and most listen even people who are older than I am, which is a bit unusual in our culture.  The Lord has used my life to work out His plan in others’ lives.  I am sure of that and I acknowledge that it was only because the Lord did it, and not I. But admittedly, there is the ‘Me.’  The Me that mostly got in the way.  The Me that I know now, kept the Lord from using more of me.  There is the Me that felt that there is something I know that people don’t and that I should be the one to tell them.  The Me that loves being visible.  The Me that wasn’t afraid to go out there because she has a nice figure, a nice face, an education, opportunities and experiences that most of her peers only dreamed about. A few years later, the Me became disf...

Weew, I haven't been here for weeks and weeks!  It's a good thing Blogger doesn't kick out subscribers that go awol. :) Well, I have been really busy healing up and taking care of my dearest cutie boy. I'm thankful that yesterday, I was able to use the shower like a normal person again, after three months of waiting for my surgical wound to dry up.  Now I am all healed and almost back to normal but whoaa, my boy is growing too fast and too soon he is so heavy, my arms are always giving me problems... or maybe I'm getting old. Now, isn't he adorable?  Hehe! mY Synapses...

I just saw my Obstetrician today and after poking around she said we'll probably meet our dear Xami in 11 days time.  It would be sooner if she has her way of putting me under the knife but I won't have it until it is the only choice left.  So this waiting game is really boring me to insanity since I have been on bed rest for the last eight months but I guessed I can manage 11 days more of waiting.  Please keep your fingers crossed for me that I will be able to deliver a healthy baby in a normal way. mY Synapses...

I am beat, I am powerless I have to remain here at the mercy of this pain To lie here until it is done with me, Months of living a half-life if at all I lie on my back, a nobody with a future so unsure Weakened, in body, spirit and soul So afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I cannot feel the beat of my own heart All I see is this hellish nightmare That is my suffering So welcome to hell, Margie The world is going on out there happily without you! I am failing to see the wonder of a moment To hear the humor in a joke To perceive the joy in a laughter To see innocent mischief in a smile To be sure of the silver lining in a cloud Oh, when did I start losing sight? Don’t hide me in the cleft of a rock Please show me your face or just cover my eyes Or you might as well leave me right here, if you’ll hide your face from me. Mend this mind that’s been flayed beyond repair Make my heart understand that you were never unfair. mY Synapses...

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