MARGIENARY

I am sad. I am not asking for sympathy. I am not trying to be negative. I am just sad, I just wanna go under and never resurface again. I am sad, I wanna die. I have been and wanna for nearly 10 years now. And that is a fact. Thank you, Lord, for my Baby Boy. He is the only reason keeping me here because I know he needs me. He is my world, my universe, my saving grace, eversince You blessed me with him. But that does not keep me from being sad. It just keeps me from completely losing it... From totally calling it quits. And I guess I wrote it here and not on facebook because nobody comes here, and no one will understand there. Well, probably some, but I am sure, that all I will get is disbelief, maybe words that I don't need right now, and will probably cause discouragement to people. So, I am destined to suffer it alone. Yes, Jesus is there, and I am supposed to be comforted in that, but right now, there is nothing here nor there... ..all this in the middle of w...

Do the cells in our bodies remember their pain even when the mind itself (which is also made up of cells) has chosen to forget? I have been wondering why I have been like a volcano that stayed dormant for a century but is now erupting nonstop and spewing sulfur and hot lava with just the slightest provocation.For the last two days, I can feel that something has been on the back of my mind that could not seem to burst through to the front. I feel nothing but melancholy, a sad ness in my spirit for which a specific reason I could not seem to put my finger on; a feeling of wretchedness and despondency that is so encompassing I only get up from bed when my 6-year old says he needs help with something. I am aware of the gloominess in my soul and that I should deal with it, rather than exploding at everyone at every turn, but I seem to be consciously making an effort to keep my mind from acknowledging that there is something that is making me feeling the way I feel--mournful and desolate. Th...

Yesterday, I found out that no matter how old you get, you still fight the same. I am talking about getting into a fight with someone you have known all your life.  I also found out that the same things make you tick from since you were little up to now that you are an adult. The intensity of your reaction and response may vary, depending on your emotional maturity but basically for me, I have never really changed in the way I respond to a certain person when that person offends me.   Respect is earned, they say, and that is true, but some types of respect are granted because of a particular relationship, and these kinds which are freely given without being earned are the most difficult to restore once it is lost.  It goes the same with trust.  I trusted and respected some people because they are my flesh and blood. Based on that I trusted them to keep their words and respect me the way I respect them, but lo and behold, some chose to take advantage of me....

In my language group (Kalanguya--Nueva Vizcaya, Benguet, Ifugao, Pangasinan provinces), the early translators opted to borrow 'tribu' from Ilocano to translate the 12 tribes of Israel.  We do have words (poli, bonat) which are roughly synonymous to the Tagalog 'lahi, angkan' but their range of meaning is wider than the 'tribe' term as intended in Hebrew.  "Poli" can  also mean customs, superstitions, traditions, animistic beliefs, while "bonat" usually  mean descendants or relatives. So to limit the meaning of 'poli' to a group of people descended from a common forefather', we use its verb form (inpoli ni hi Jacob), because to only say 'poli ni hi Jacob' would be confusing specially without context. (It could be understood as 'the superstitious beliefs of Jacob).  We say "hawal ni dowan tribun Israel (the 12 tribes of Israel)" and/or "waday hawal ni dowan tribu ni inpoli ni hi Jacob  (there are 12 tribes...

Do you have people in your FB friends list who keep sending you long devotionals or news without even having a personal conversation with you ever since you accepted their friend request?  I have been receiving a considerable number of chain messages in my private messaging box and today I got so irritated that I started to write a status message on Facebook about it.  But then I thought better of it, and so I cut it from there and decided to come and reflect here.  This was what I wrote: "To Whom It May Concern: Please stop forwarding chain messages to my inbox, even ones which you think I might be interested in. It is annoying to see very long copied and pasted stuff from people who don't even bother to say Hello!" It was a mild rebuke I know but I thought of the bitter taste it might leave some of my friends who would chance at it and how I would be causing the same irritation these chain messages caused in me. Therefore, I decided against it. It is always good f...

The other day, I finally went to a health club to get some help regarding my need to get a grip regarding my health issues.  In short, I went to get help about the most doable way for me to lose my unhealthy extra pounds. I listened to the evaluation, I was weighed, I was preached to, ..not really, it was participatory all the way, :-)  and then I bought my products. Yes, I decided to give Herbalife another go. Today, I read some scary testimonials about the products but I'll wait and see how it's gonna work in my case.  I did the Leslie Sansone 2-Mile Walk and then went out to teach a group of women at a seminar. I could not get my BP to come down afterwards and until now, I can feel the blood pumping through the veins in my skull.  It's causing me headache too, and while I was talking moments ago at the seminar, the muscles in my mouth begun trembling so I chose to stop then.  Good thing, I was already in my last slide. BP=136/102 mmHg Sugar: 5.5mm/mol ...

There was a resurrected interest for this song and more than two people were asking for the words so I decided to just try and remember the words and publish it here: THANKS Penned by Me Music by:  Norman S. Malcat Life is not a bore after all When you came to my life Everything for me was all  in a clear perspective After I've accepted your gift There's a joy like never before You've turned my fears into strength And I found out there is peace in you. Chorus:   Thank you for giving yourself Thank you for saving my soul Thank you for the promise of tomorrow I never deserved these But you gave it all to me anyway. Now that I'm living for You I could not understand some of Your plans But I am assured that whatever happens You'll be with me all throughout the way. Bridge: I understood you died for me You paid my debt in Calvary I can never repay you For it's your blood that washed all my sins away.  Author's...